Tell Me Why I Don't Like Mondays

Imagine my surprise when I awoke this morning to find the entire cast of Raines standing around my bed, silently staring down at me.

"Get up, Cee-Cee," Boyer said, his countenance grim. "Today's the day."

I rolled over and rubbed my eyes sleepily, not sure of what I was seeing and hearing. "The day? Uh, what day?" I asked, sitting up.

"The day, sunshine," Raines said, standing near my overflowing basket of dirty laundry. I wished suddenly and fervently that I'd not forgone washing my unmentionables yesterday in favour of seeing a movie and going for sushi. Raines was clearly trying to not look at the lacy edges, the shiny straps, all tossed hither and yon, and failing.

"It's the day NBC formally announces which shows are returning for their Fall line-up, hon'", Lance said, as I stood up and pulled my robe on over my jammies.

"Oooh, right. That day," I replied, scratching my head and yawning. "But, what, pray tell, are you all doing in my bedroom? And...how did you get in my house?" They all looked meaningfully at one another, shifting from foot to foot, jangling change in their pockets, looking anywhere but at me.

"Wait a minute. You're not really here, are you? In fact, you're all just hallucinations. You're just figments of my imagination. You're not going to tell me anything I don't already know about this situation. But the fact that you're all here, that I'm seeing and talking to you, must mean that...."

Raines pursed his lips and gave me that trademarked hang-dog look. It all suddenly clicked in my sleep-addled brain.

"Dang," I sighed.



source

So, to ease our broken hearts and satisfy our most basic and petulant urges for revenge, who would like to prank call NBC with me, using this Jeff Goldblum sound board?

Raines Still Precariously Perched

NBC will formally announce the shows they've picked up for the autumn next week on May 14th. Ratings for Raines were not overwhelmingly positive (mainly due to the fact the show was bumped to Friday nights, a notoriously bad night for any show) and while every fan of the program is waiting on tenterhooks for what seems to be an inevitable disappointment (check out the official message board for Raines and you'll find the vast majority of topics there are bemoaning the loss of the program, begging NBC to reconsider, and raging against the powers that be) no one should start shedding tears yet.

Instead you should take these last few days to let NBC know exactly how you feel about the show and how much you want to see it renewed for the upcoming fall season.

How great will summer be knowing we'll be getting a fresh weekly dose of Jeff when the weather starts to cool off again?

Contact NBC by phone at 1-212-664-8857


By email nbcshows@nbc.com


By snail mail:

Raines
c/o NBC
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112

Jeff On Ellen

And when I say "on Ellen" I mean, really on Ellen.



Not to be missed: the adorable photo they show of him at age 10 or 11 or 12 in a bathing suit.

This originally aired March 21st, 2007 as part of the press junket for Raines. I've been waiting a long time to see this - his touchy-feeliness was quite the topic of discussion amongst fans but I'd missed the program.

I postulate that if anyone could convince a lesbian to "switch teams", it would be Jeff. Y/N?

Raines is in a precarious position

As most fans of the show are aware, Raines - Goldblum's newest foray into television - is in a precarious position right now. The show has been well-recieved by fans and critics but the ratings have been lower than perhaps NBC would like. It has been discussed on the official Raines message boards that we should begin a mail campaign to encourage NBC to order more episodes to air this autumn.

If you are someone who thinks that there just isn't enough Goldblum in your life, or who happens to enjoy quirky detective programs, you should visit this webpage and join NBC's web panel. Or utilize the following:

Contact NBC by phone at 1-212-664-8857

By email nbcshows@nbc.com
By snail mail:
Raines
c/o NBC
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112

It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's....The Fly?

I took a screenshot from the Raines episode "Stoned Dead" (Season One, Episode Four) and mucked around with it a bit in Photoshop to come up with this for you.

It was drawn by Raines' hallucinated "vic" while they chatted in his car. The hallucination said it was his newest comic character, Captain Raines. Raines responded by telling the kid that he got his quads right, but the "bulge is a little modest". Which is just as well, since we don't want to scare the kiddies.

I have stared at this picture for a while now and can't come up with anything witty to say about it. Enjoy. I'll be over here in the corner biting my fist.

Oh, and now you can download and listen to the Raines theme song while you dribble over his image.